When I was 16 years old, I was asked to lead the choir. Taking on this leadership role left me feeling intimidated and afraid about messing up in front of my choir members and family as I feared their consistent criticisms and opinions on my unsteady and immature leadership. At the same time, I also found the need to maintain and even surpass the increasing benchmarks I had set for myself in my academics. My mantra was, “There is still room for improvement, it’s not enough yet.”. I constantly felt the need to hold myself accountable to meet the expectations of my own and of others just to feel or be loved. Clearly, I had asked God to take a back seat all this time, while I took the wheel and drove to my own desired destinations in my life.

Low and behold, it was during one of the sessions where we were asked to surrender all of our struggles to the Lord, where the Holy Spirit allowed me to experience the Lord’s gradual healing. As I was being prayed for during prayer ministry, I was immediately overwhelmed with this deep sense of love––that I was being cared for. As tears poured down my face uncontrollably, I gradually felt the burden of all my worries, doubts and desires of wanting to be the best and perfect version of myself dissipate in my heart. I took these feelings back to the adoration space where I knelt before the Lord. In that space, I felt Jesus’s gentle tap on my shoulder. Prompted, I turned back and saw Jesus with His arms stretched wide, ready to give me a hug as He uttered the words, “I’ve always been here. It’s my turn to drive.” That was Jesus. He was all the affirmation I needed. It was time for me to give up the wheel and take a back seat. It was time for me to let Jesus take control; to let him drive me to the destinations He wants me to be at.