I’m Joanna, a year 1 student studying sports science and management. So a little bit about me, I grew up as a cradle catholic, surrounded by a loving family. I am the oldest of 4, and have always been active in church.
I had my first personal encounter with Jesus during my sec 3 confirmation retreat. During this encounter, I realised how close Jesus was in my life and it lit a fire in me to spread His love to those around me and to stay close to Him through serving Him in church. My relationship with Jesus seemed to be smooth sailing as my life fell in place and everything was going well.
However, entering JC, I started to struggle. Having done well in my academics in my secondary school, I did not understand why everything was tumbling on me. I struggled to keep up with my studies, to do well in all areas of my life, from grades to cca. As I put a lot of my self worth into my grades, I felt very put down when teachers would pass me my test papers and ask what happened. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, there was no progress and I was never good enough. This brought me into an endless cycle of pushing myself extra hard to do even better again and again. I felt frustrated and at a loss, here I was trying so hard, but where was God? Why was I not getting the results I wanted? Everytime I broke down from the stress, I would rant to God and ask Him how He was working in my life. But again and again, my peers and mentors would comfort and remind me that God had good plans for me as said in Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope). Looking back, these people kept me close to Jesus in the toughest days and I am amazed at how the Lord works. Although this kept me going during my JC journey, I could never fully trust the Lord and felt I needed to count on myself to get good grades. To me, I felt that “what could Jesus help with if my grades were bad? Where would I go for uni?” So I still made a lot of plans as my safety net.
After graduating, I attended the School of Sitness 2021, and it was during SOW, through the many encounters, I found myself in the hands of a God who I could trust even in the greatest uncertainties. During the school, one of the speakers said “are we following Jesus, or are we the ones trying to get Jesus to follow us, to follow all our plans…” This struck me because I realised that I had become so self-reliant in all aspects of my life that I had closed my heart to trusting and relying on the Lord fully. I feared letting go of my control. From this revelation, I began to desire greatly to fully trust in God and to surrender my fears and worries to Him and to no longer rely on myself. As I received prayer by the prayer team, I felt a sense of joy and peace which I never felt before. As I rested, I knew then in my heart that I need not be afraid of what the future holds but instead, can trust that the Lord only wanted good things for me. Even if His plan may not be what I expected or wanted. I wanted God to be my safety net and to rest my self worth fully in Him. In that prayer time, God reminded that nothing was impossible with Him, that I did not need to be afraid to trust in Him because He would always catch me when I fall.
Since then, I will not say that it has been an easy journey. There has still been much fear in the uncertainty and wondering where Jesus is leading me to. The hustle of uni and the constant need to know what is going to happen next, easily pulls me back into the cycle of self-reliance. I struggle to find time to rest with Jesus. Despite this, I see how present Jesus has been and it was in this very restlessness and tiredness where Jesus met me. This semester, the verse that I hold close to my heart is from exodus 14:14 “The Lord is fighting for you, you only need to be still.” Over and over again, Jesus speaks truth to me through the community, the different events, that He is present with me. I cannot put all these down into one testimony of how good the Lord has been to me this past year but one of the more recent ones would be: when I was ministered to by a sister. In that season, I was struggling with loneliness in school and many lies about my self-worth. As she prayed for me, I was reminded that I am right where He plans me to be,and received an image of Jesus tightly holding my hand. The simple small truths He speaks reminds me repeatedly to hold fast to His love for me and my identity in Him, knowing I do not have to fight for myself, He is fighting for me. I can rest with Him.
When I look back, I now have been given the lens of faith to see that what I do, does not define me and His plans for me. I have become more conscious of the lies and fears that the devil magnifies in my mind, and over all these, I claim the truth that nothing that happens can change the fact that I belong to Him, I am His child, that the Lord has good plans for me, that I am loved and He is indeed fighting for me every step of the way. I trust that He is holding my hand as I continue to walk and fall in this journey of life. Jesus wants to reach out His hand to save you from the storm, will you take His hand and trust Him?
I knew then in my heart that I need not be afraid of what the future holds but instead, can trust that the Lord only wanted good things for me.